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brass price, to pay the: to purchase by gigging, as distinguished from paying the "gold price" (paying cash, like a chump) or the "iron price" (taking by force, at the point of a sword). Example: When it comes to hotel accommodations on the road, it is always best to pay the brass price.
ace boon coon: best friend
a crapella: singing aloud with headphones on
affluential: affluent and influential
agnorant: arrogant and ignorant
ain't no thang: no big deal
all-a-y'all: every one of you
all your base: a declaration of victory. See also "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra"
amsterdamaged: hung over
AMW: actress, model, whatever
Anglozona: the 48th state, formerly northern Mexico
antigoglin: askew. See also "cattywampus"
antisocial media: technology that limits real human contact
assimilation paradox: the better educated, the less authentic
atavistic nostalgia: a sentimental feeling toward past people and events with which one has had no actual experience
audi: farewell. See also "lederhosen," "Dostoyevsky," "gator," "deuce," "Mozambique," and "Ornette" (for those who believe he's the final word)
audiolize: to imagine what something would sound like
avocados: sparse, tasty riffs played to accompany a melody, especially behind a singer
backstage pass: an invitation to the inner sanctum
bagel logic: circular reasoning with a hole in the middle
balls out: vivace
bamf: an admired person
barney fifedom: the realm of crickets and banjos
bashment: a happening scene
bat signal: a gig request
bawa: bottled water
belligerati: the jazz community
big ups: kudos
bioengineering: the strategic use of hyperbole, selective specificity and spin in the crafting of one's artist profile
bippety-bop: a greeting used to answer the telephone, similar to "Joe's Pizza" or "moshi-moshi"
Bipolar Express: the fast train to Crazytown; see also "Charlie Sheen Trampoline"
bisocial: able to hang out with both/either men and/or women
bitter shame: you're welcome; the customary response to "donkey shame"
bixellent: pretty good for a white guy
bixploitation: the shameless marketing of white artists playing black music for white audiences
blogflogging: obvious promotion of one's own blog
blow baggin': lying
bobblehead: a particular type of skinny, superficial Scottsdale girl
bohica: bend over, here it comes again
Buckshot: Chris "Buckshot" Strik, so named because he hits everything
canterbury tale: an elaborate story told with the intent of obfuscation. See also "shaggy dog story"
cakey: affection, as in "dat girl wun gimme no cakey"
catspraddle: to knock across the room, as in "stop chupsen', before I catspraddle yuh"
chonk: to lob. See also "fling" and "thow"
chops: technique, skill, or embouchure
chune: a song
chupse: to make a sucking sound through the teeth in exclamation
code-switching: changing the set list after you take a look at the audience
comeback: a resurgence of media interest in an artist who never left
competitive exhibitionism: a jamf session, the lowest form of entertainment
Confirmation Bias Bingo: the "trust but verify" game for people who are always right
copascetic: a portmanteau of "cope" and "ascetic," describing a person who rationalizes poverty as an austere lifestyle choice
crash pad: a copascetic crib
devil music: jazz
Dick Wolf Cash Register: the Shockadoola Hey gavel sound
dime: a beautiful woman
director's cut: the uncensored truth
dixie stroll: the perfect tempo
donkey shame: thank you
eagle has landed: we've been paid
easter egg: a secret hidden message for those in-the-know
educated: driven to distraction by trivia
één minuutje, als u blieft: hold your horses; see also "momentito, por favor," and "choto mate kudasai"
ego surf: to Google one's self
electric boogaloo: any lame follow-up to a celebrated original; see also "Havana Nights"
endearing attributes: big buppies; see also "significant redeeming virtues"
favor: to resemble, as in "do we favor?"
fighting words: easily misinterpreted words; for example: ruminate, rectify, fallacy, masticate
flippity-flopetty-floo: cultural appropriation
fling: to lob; see also "chonk" and "thow"
Foghorn Leghorn: anyone who talks with an exaggerated, phony-sounding southern accent; see also "Harry Connick Junior" and "Remy McSwain"
footballs: whole notes
gate rape: routine molestation by airport security
get the butter: the proper response to a challenge; see also "it's on"
get up: let's dance; see also "get on up," "get down," "shake your groove thang," and "shake your money maker"
gigmata: the red marks on the palms after carrying sound equipment
got eyes: to want, as in "Who's got eyes to greaze?"
greaze: to eat
greeback: to reconcile and speak on friendly terms once more
hat: girlfriend; see also "rib"
highfalutin: pretentious; see also "uppity" and "broughtupsy"
highjackin' the oxybus: an ill-advised, hair-brained, get-rich-quick scheme
hillbilly homeschool: a xenophobia indoctrination organization
hit girl: a precocious underage female
hokum: hooey + bunkum
hy-ref-pomo: hyper-referencial postmodern. Peppered with obscure cultural references and insider humor. Quentin Tarentino films, Dennis Miller rants, Family Guy cutaways, Reggie Watts loops, J-Mo solos and Dimapedia are all examples of hy-ref-pomo.
ignoble gentleman: the equally offensive corollary to the noble savage
I'm a vegetarian: let's not fight, as in "I'm a vegetarian. I don't want any beef."
ironic virtuosity: an uncanny skill at communicating the opposite of what one intends
jamf session: a gathering of poseurs
jazz camp: any temporary "grin and bear it" period
jazz famous: respected by one's peers and ignored by the general public
jazz heaven: (archaic) the upper balcony in a southern theater
jazz police: the self-appointed gatekeepers, quality control inspectors and arbiters of taste in the jazz community. See also "bebop border patrol," and "hard bop mall cops."
jiggety-jig: a greeting, meaning "hi, honey, I'm home." See also "hey-hey."
Jimmy Giuffre: any person whose name is unknown, temporarily forgotten, or deliberately overlooked; a whatshisname, as in "Did you catch Jimmy Giuffre's let set at the Show Me Shango?"
jive: the pretense to authenticity; the affectation of keeping it real
J-Mo: Jason Moran, hippest of the hip
J-Ro: Judy Roberts, jazz czarina of Chicago and Phoenix
kafuffle: a commotion
key of love: "F" concert
kiss the ring: to pay respects, as in "J-Ro's back from Chicago. Let's go over to Remington's and kiss the ring."
kobayashi maru: a no-win scenario, the only solution to which requires breaking the rules. See also "Catch 22" and "Delfeayo's Dilemma."
lagniappe: a little something extra
lazy man's load: an unmanageably large load carried to avoid making more than one trip
litch: to procure by incessant pestering, as in "I had to call the guy 20 times to litch that gig." Named for an infamous vocalist who excelled at the technique.
ma'amnesia: inability to rightly recall when in the presence of a lady
malinky: piddly or dinky
Maggie's Farm: any gig or obligation that makes unreasonable demands on one's personal time; see also "VBS"
Matheny Way: the preferred method of eating biscuits and gravy, that is, split in half with the soft side facing up.
meanderthal: self-indulgent and rambling, as in "too much tenosterone leads to meanderthal improv"
mickey mousing: punctuating the movements of a character with on-the-nose musical accompaniment
Mitch Connor: a poseur; see also "jamf," "all hat and no cattle," and "Chet Faker"
morning person: someone who suffers from Annoyingly Cheerful Personality Disorder (ACPD); see also "complicated person"
mozambique: farewell; see also "lederhosen," "Dog Spit on Ya," and "Dostoyevsky"
(a real) nice guy: the worst thing a musician can call another musician
nickel!: an exclamation, meaning "if I had a nickel for every time I heard that..."
nuff: a lot of, as in "da girl got nuff badonk"
Omar's coming!: a warning, meaning both "heads up" and "you'll get yours"
overnight success: a longtime practitioner
oversouling: draining a melody of its meaning through extreme gratuitous melisma
paycheck player: a blue collar musician who only cares how much the gig pays
people's key: the key of "C" concert
perp walk: a public spectacle of humiliation, auto-da-fé, or walk of shame
playing for house: resorting to crowd-pleasing trickery on the bandstand
pre-function: a refreshing beverage before the gig
prelude to a gliss: the solo which immediately precedes Terence Blanchard's
prime directive: the guiding principle of discretion. See also "first rule of fight club"
proppin' sorrow: staring into space with chin cupped in hand
Q-Tips: Tipitina's in the Quarter
R: Thursday. R means Thursday.
ramen-profitable: just profitable enough to cover one's minimum living expenses
rebel tell: the southerner's tendency, even after he's lost his accent, to stress the first syllable of certain words, such as police, cement, Detroit, Thanksgiving, insurance, behind, display, TV, and guitar
redneck rehab: prison
refreshing beverage: cocktail
reprape: to discredit through libel or slander
the SOAP: Nicholas Payton, the savior of archaic pop
stone: absolute or absolutely; as in "a stone groove," or "stone in love with you"
sugar foot: someone who drives, walks, plays or otherwise moves too fast; see also "yankee"
sad-libbing: improvising poorly
sagebrush rebellion: organized resistance to mediocrity; subversion of the dominant paradigm
samf: a sub-par musician; see also "nice guy"
scooby snacks: treats, especially as a reward for hard work
shockadoola hey: the tv show Law & Order, or its theme song
Show Me Shango: a venue the name of which is unknown, temporarily forgotten, or deliberately overlooked
skin job: a pop culture media droid; a replicant
so fetch: the shizzle; see also "sweet-fuh-days"
soul handshake: payment; see also "taste"
squat-n-gobble: a diner
streets ahead: innovative
surf-n-turf: latin on the "A" sections, swing on the bridge
tape!: an expression of frustration, meaning "shut up, you sound like a broken record"
that dog won't hunt: that idea won't work
too nuff: a lot of
transcribe some Kenny G: to visit the restroom
tweetbonics: Twitter lingo
twizzy: the Twittersphere
two-five-one: voila; bob's your uncle
unfortunate-looking: drop dead gorgeous
vex: to make angry
vibekido: the art of psyching out an opponent
walking around money: the cash in your pocket
weaving spiders: people with covert agendas, a.k.a. everyone
well-spoken: a racist backhanded compliment, see also "articulate" and "courteous"
whax-palax-bruggadown-brax: a hard hit and fall
your druthers is my ruthers: we agree
ignoble gentleman: the equally offensive corollary to the noble savage
I'm a vegetarian: let's not fight, as in "I'm a vegetarian -- I don't want any beef."
ironic virtuosity: the uncanny skill of communicating the opposite of what one intends