My personal lexicon. Updated September 5, 2012.

ace boon coon: best friend

a crapella: singing aloud with headphones on

affluential: affluent and influential

agnorant: arrogant and ignorant

ain't no thang: no big deal

all-a-y'all: every one of you

all your base: a declaration of victory. See also "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra"

amsterdamaged: hung over

AMW: actress, model, whatever

Anglozona: the 48th state, formerly northern Mexico

antigoglin: askew. See also "cattywampus"

antisocial media: technology that limits real human contact

assimilation paradox: the better educated, the less authentic

atavistic nostalgia: a sentimental feeling toward past people and events with which one has had no actual experience

audi: farewell. See also "lederhosen," "Dostoyevsky," "gator," "deuce," "Mozambique," and "Ornette" (for those who believe he's the final word)

audiolize: to imagine what something would sound like

avocados: sparse, tasty riffs played to accompany a melody, especially behind a singer

awholenother: another

backstage pass: an invitation to the inner sanctum

bagel logic: circular reasoning with a hole in the middle

balls out: vivace

bamf: an admired person

barney fifedom: the realm of crickets and banjos

bashment: a happening scene

bat signal: a gig request

bawa: bottled water

belligerati: the jazz community

big ups: kudos

bioengineering: the strategic use of hyperbole, selective specificity and spin in the crafting of one's artist profile

bippety-bop: a greeting used to answer the telephone, similar to "Joe's Pizza" or "moshi-moshi"

Bipolar Express: the fast train to Crazytown; see also "Charlie Sheen Trampoline"

bisocial: able to hang out with both/either men and/or women

bitter shame: you're welcome; the customary response to "donkey shame"

bixellent: pretty good for a white guy

bixploitation: the shameless marketing of white artists playing black music for white audiences

blogflogging: obvious promotion of one's own blog

blow baggin': lying

bobblehead: a particular type of skinny, superficial Scottsdale girl

bohica: bend over, here it comes again

Buckshot: Chris "Buckshot" Strik, so named because he hits everything

canterbury tale: an elaborate story told with the intent of obfuscation. See also "shaggy dog story"

cakey: affection, as in "dat girl wun gimme no cakey"

catspraddle: to knock across the room, as in "stop chupsen', before I catspraddle yuh"

chonk: to lob. See also "fling" and "thow"

chops: technique, skill, or embouchure

chune: a song

chupse: to make a sucking sound through the teeth in exclamation

code-switching: changing the set list after you take a look at the audience

comeback: a resurgence of media interest in an artist who never left

competitive exhibitionism: a jamf session, the lowest form of entertainment

Confirmation Bias Bingo: the "trust but verify" game for people who are always right

copascetic: a portmanteau of "cope" and "ascetic," describing a person who rationalizes poverty as an austere lifestyle choice

cornpone: countryfied

crash pad: a copascetic crib

devil music: jazz

Dick Wolf Cash Register: the Shockadoola Hey gavel sound

dime: a beautiful woman

director's cut: the uncensored truth

dixie stroll: the perfect tempo

donkey shame: thank you

eagle has landed: we've been paid

easter egg: a secret hidden message for those in-the-know

educated: driven to distraction by trivia

één minuutje, als u blieft: hold your horses; see also "momentito, por favor," and "choto mate kudasai"

effing: durn

ego surf: to Google one's self

electric boogaloo: any lame follow-up to a celebrated original; see also "Havana Nights"

endearing attributes: big buppies; see also "significant redeeming virtues"

favor: to resemble, as in "do we favor?"

fighting words: easily misinterpreted words; for example: ruminate, rectify, fallacy, masticate

flippity-flopetty-floo: cultural appropriation

fling: to lob; see also "chonk" and "thow"

Foghorn Leghorn: anyone who talks with an exaggerated, phony-sounding southern accent; see also "Harry Connick Junior" and "Remy McSwain"

foofooloo: lovesick

footballs: whole notes

gate rape: routine molestation by airport security

get the butter: the proper response to a challenge; see also "it's on"

get up: let's dance; see also "get on up," "get down," "shake your groove thang," and "shake your money maker"

gezellig: cozy

gigmata: the red marks on the palms after carrying sound equipment

got eyes: to want, as in "Who's got eyes to greaze?"

greaze: to eat

greeback: to reconcile and speak on friendly terms once more

hat: girlfriend; see also "rib"

highfalutin: pretentious; see also "uppity" and "broughtupsy"

highjackin' the oxybus: an ill-advised, hair-brained, get-rich-quick scheme

hillbilly homeschool: a xenophobia indoctrination organization

hit girl: a precocious underage female

hokum: hooey + bunkum

hy-ref-pomo: hyper-referencial postmodern. Peppered with obscure cultural references and insider humor. Quentin Tarentino films, Dennis Miller rants, Family Guy cutaways, Reggie Watts loops, J-Mo solos and Dimapedia are all examples of hy-ref-pomo.

ignoble gentleman: the equally offensive corollary to the noble savage

I'm a vegetarian: let's not fight, as in "I'm a vegetarian. I don't want any beef."

ironic virtuosity: an uncanny skill at communicating the opposite of what one intends

jamf session: a gathering of poseurs

jazz camp: any temporary "grin and bear it" period

jazz famous: respected by one's peers and ignored by the general public

jazz heaven: (archaic) the upper balcony in a southern theater

jazz police: the self-appointed gatekeepers, quality control inspectors and arbiters of taste in the jazz community. See also "bebop border patrol," and "hard bop mall cops."

jiggety-jig: a greeting, meaning "hi, honey, I'm home." See also "hey-hey."

Jimmy Giuffre: any person whose name is unknown, temporarily forgotten, or deliberately overlooked; a whatshisname, as in "Did you catch Jimmy Giuffre's let set at the Show Me Shango?"

jive: the pretense to authenticity; the affectation of keeping it real

J-Mo: Jason Moran, hippest of the hip

J-Ro: Judy Roberts, jazz czarina of Chicago and Phoenix

kafuffle: a commotion

key of love:  "F" concert

kimboes: hips

kiss the ring: to pay respects, as in "J-Ro's back from Chicago. Let's go over to Remington's and kiss the ring."

kobayashi maru: a no-win scenario, the only solution to which requires breaking the rules. See also "Catch 22" and "Delfeayo's Dilemma."

lagniappe: a little something extra

lazy man's load: an unmanageably large load carried to avoid making more than one trip

litch: to procure by incessant pestering, as in "I had to call the guy 20 times to litch that gig." Named for an infamous vocalist who excelled at the technique.

ma'amnesia: inability to rightly recall when in the presence of a lady

malinky: piddly or dinky

Maggie's Farm: any gig or obligation that makes unreasonable demands on one's personal time; see also "VBS"

Matheny Way: the preferred method of eating biscuits and gravy, that is, split in half with the soft side facing up.

meanderthal: self-indulgent and rambling, as in "too much tenosterone leads to meanderthal improv"

mickey mousing: punctuating the movements of a character with on-the-nose musical accompaniment

Mitch Connor: a poseur; see also "jamf," "all hat and no cattle," and "Chet Faker"

morning person: someone who suffers from Annoyingly Cheerful Personality Disorder (ACPD); see also "complicated person"

mozambique: farewell; see also "lederhosen," "Dog Spit on Ya," and "Dostoyevsky"

(a real) nice guy: the worst thing a musician can call another musician

nickel!: an exclamation, meaning "if I had a nickel for every time I heard that..."

nuff: a lot of, as in "da girl got nuff badonk"

obeah: sorcery

Omar's coming!: a warning, meaning both "heads up" and "you'll get yours"

overnight success: a longtime practitioner

oversouling: draining a melody of its meaning through extreme gratuitous melisma

paycheck player: a blue collar musician who only cares how much the gig pays

people's key: the key of "C" concert

perp walk: a public spectacle of humiliation, auto-da-fé, or walk of shame

playing for house: resorting to crowd-pleasing trickery on the bandstand

pre-function: a refreshing beverage before the gig

prelude to a gliss: the solo which immediately precedes Terence Blanchard's

prime directive: the guiding principle of discretion. See also "first rule of fight club"

proppin' sorrow: staring into space with chin cupped in hand

Q-Tips: Tipitina's in the Quarter

R: Thursday. R means Thursday.

ramen-profitable: just profitable enough to cover one's minimum living expenses

rebel tell: the southerner's tendency, even after he's lost his accent, to stress the first syllable of certain words, such as police, cement, Detroit, Thanksgiving, insurance, behind, display, TV, and guitar

redneck rehab: prison

refreshing beverage: cocktail

reprape: to discredit through libel or slander

the SOAP: Nicholas Payton, the savior of archaic pop

stone: absolute or absolutely; as in "a stone groove," or "stone in love with you"

sugar foot: someone who drives, walks, plays or otherwise moves too fast; see also "yankee"

sad-libbing: improvising poorly

sagebrush rebellion: organized resistance to mediocrity; subversion of the dominant paradigm

samf: a sub-par musician; see also "nice guy"

scooby snacks: treats, especially as a reward for hard work

shockadoola hey: the tv show Law & Order, or its theme song

Show Me Shango: a venue the name of which is unknown, temporarily forgotten, or deliberately overlooked

skin job: a pop culture media droid; a replicant

so fetch: the shizzle; see also "sweet-fuh-days"

soul handshake: payment; see also "taste"

squat-n-gobble: a diner

streets ahead: innovative

sup: greetings

surf-n-turf: latin on the "A" sections, swing on the bridge

tape!: an expression of frustration, meaning "shut up, you sound like a broken record"

that dog won't hunt: that idea won't work

too nuff: a lot of

transcribe some Kenny G: to visit the restroom

tweetbonics: Twitter lingo

twizzy: the Twittersphere

two-five-one: voila; bob's your uncle

unfortunate-looking: drop dead gorgeous

vex: to make angry

vibekido: the art of psyching out an opponent

walking around money: the cash in your pocket

weaving spiders: people with covert agendas, a.k.a. everyone

well-spoken: a racist backhanded compliment, see also "articulate" and "courteous"

whax-palax-bruggadown-brax: a hard hit and fall

your druthers is my ruthers: we agree

yurp: Europe

yute: youth

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